Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
