you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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