Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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