I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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