i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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