But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
