the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
