Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
