If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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