I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You're like the curious george of whores
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
