at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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