Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
