i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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