I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
