My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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