Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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