i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
