is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
