Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
