omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
