I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
