i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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