you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you had me at cake vodka
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
