I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you had me at cake vodka
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
