She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
