The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
