You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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