i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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