Me too!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
