he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
