ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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