i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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