watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
