So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
