Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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