At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize