somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
