Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
