Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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