She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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