I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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