He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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