Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
