I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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