do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
