EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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