Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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