I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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