dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize