How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
