Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
