So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
