genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
