Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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