Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
