My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
