The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
