I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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