Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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