Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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