Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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