I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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