He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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