i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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