everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
