I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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